Beautiful Letter

A few weeks ago, I sent letters to our former foster son and his Grandma, who is now raising him. His Grandma has given Miles & I unlimited access to J, but after spending time with him a couple of times after he went to go live with her, we made the decision that it was causing him too much pain and confusion to be with us again and he would cry and cling to us when we returned him to Grandma. So we let her know our decision and why we made it. Then a few weeks ago I sent those letters. The one to his Grandma was just to explain again the reason for our decision, and to let her know that we are praying for them. Then I wrote a letter to J that told him how much Miles & I loved him, what a joy he was to us, and our hopes for how God will use his life one day. It was a cathartic experience for me as well, to be able to say those words to him and to have them written down where he can read them one day when he gets older. I also included a picture of J, Miles & I because Grandma had asked for one to put in his "grandparents" book that she is making for him (a baby book of sorts).

Today in the mail we received a Christmas card from Grandma, with a few scanned pictures of J, and a beautiful letter for me. It was very touching, and since I will never be able to read it aloud on the phone without sobbing, I am putting it here so that my family can read it. The pictures were adorable as well, and he is looking so much like a little boy rather than a baby. He will be 2 on January 22, and he is still a very handsome boy. Anyway, here is the letter:

"Dear Brenda,
I apologize for not getting back to you about the voicemail you left me, but I did not get the voicemail until about 3 weeks later. My phone took up swimming in the toilet (courtesy of J) and I could not check my voicemail due to the lack of knowing my password for it. I rec'd your letter(s) and photo and yes, I saw J's confusion too. Your letter made me cry, even though your reasons are to put J first. I thank God everyday that my grandson was placed with you and Miles. We were very blessed.

I showed J the photo of the 3 of you and his little face just lit up into a huge smile. "Hod it grammy," he said, so I let him hold the photo and pointed and told him your names and that these were two very important people in his life and grammy would fill him in when he gets older. I'm planning to place your letter to J next to the photo you gave me in the grandparents book I'm making for him. I would still like to send you photos now and again, if thats alright?

He's grown so much. Since having tubes in his ears, his vocabulary and speech has greatly improved (no ear infections either). I wonder at times if I have done the right thing for J, but that all disappears when he crawls up in my lap and says, "Hod you grammy. I love you" and blows a big kiss on my cheek.

You and Miles are always in our prayers at night. Thank you Brenda. God bless you both and Merry Christmas."

That letter makes all of the frustrations with foster parenting worth it!