Unsettled

The title of this post is the closest description of what I am feeling right now. Just when I think life can't be more stressful, unsettled, uncertain, up in the air, etc., etc., etc. I sometimes wonder what God is doing. And (dare I say this out loud?) sometimes I even wonder if my prayers matter at all. I don't know if you who will read this will think it "unchristian" that I say that, but I think it's the most christian thing I can say right now. I think God is bigger than my questions and doubts. My relationship with Him is stronger than it has ever been. But I still wonder if my prayers and the prayers of others will do any good. I think the last week has brought that to the forefront once again in my life. I think it's okay to say this in a public forum now, because up until today only family knew this information. Miles and I had a potential opportunity to adopt a beautiful 3 week old baby girl. It seems as if it has fallen through. And so it just leaves me sad and questioning, wondering if the prayers of our family members and ourselves even made a difference. We prayed so hard about Miles' photography business, and a few months ago we closed the doors of Miles T Photography. We are on the verge of financial disaster and had to put our house on the market. We are praying it sells before the bank forecloses. It's easy for me to get discouraged. But I refuse to give in to that.

Instead, I go to what I know to be true. I KNOW that God is faithful. I KNOW that God is in control, even when things feel out of control. I KNOW that I live in a fallen world and that this world is not my home. I am uncomfortable so often because I don't belong here. I belong with my Heavenly Father, and one day I will enjoy unbroken fellowship with Him and with many of you.

And the thing that keeps me going most days when I want to curl up in a fetal position on my bedroom floor are the faces of the beautiful people in these pictures who remind me daily that I am blessed beyond measure. Blessed by the things that count -- a wonderful, godly husband and 2 beautiful children who I have the privilege of caring for, for now.

We have before each of us two roads -- life and death. I choose LIFE.