Brenda's Musings

With the beginning of the new year, we've jumped back into fostering. It's an adjustment to get back into "parenting" mode and live in the state of flexibility that is needed when one is a foster parent. We have taken a 3-year old girl for the weekends, to give her foster parents some respite. And then last Saturday night we got a late night placement of a 14-year old girl. There is still a lot of uncertainty about how long she will stay, but we have opened our home to her for as long as she needs it. She is a very sweet girl and it's sad to see her suffering and having to be uprooted from everything she knows, and be separated from her siblings, just because of the poor choices of her parents. She told me that she felt very nervous and scared as she was walking up to our door with her social worker on Saturday night, but that as soon as she walked into our house she felt a peace. That made me tear up a little bit because that is why we do this. We want to be a safe haven.

I know that this is a unique ministry we've been called to do. And there are so many things I enjoy about it. But this week I've been struggling again with the "why's." Why can't we have a child? Why has it been so difficult for us to adopt? When will I get to hold a baby I can call my own? (Okay, so maybe more like the "why's" and the "whens") :)

But yet I know through all of this that God has a plan. And it's a good plan. No, a GREAT plan. I think of all the Bible stories I read in which I only look at the fulfillment of God's promise, and forget to look at all of the years in between the promise and fulfillment.

I think of Abraham and Sarah who kept celebrating birthdays year after year, wondering when this promise of a child would be fulfilled. Of Joseph who sat in prison and then worked in a foreign land for years before He saw the fruit of his heartache. Of the nation of Israel who waited for the Messiah for centuries, even through the silence of the prophets for 400 years. The Bible says that "God is not slow in keeping His promises, as some understand slowness." He is right on time. And I know that will be true for us. In HIS right time He will bring a child or children to our family, and one day we will have an amazing testimony to share about His faithfulness.

I don't know why I felt a need to blog these thoughts for all of you to read. Partly to ask for your prayers on our behalf. Partly to remind myself of God's faithfulness. And partly to encourage you who may be reading this. I always want to chose to trust God and surrender to His perfect will for my life, even in the midst of my longing for a child or other uncertainties in life. God knows my desires and He knows your desires. This is not the path to parenthood I would have chosen for myself, but God is choosing to use Miles & I in a unique way. There is a passage in Job that I love: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." (Job 13:15). Sometimes it feels as if our dreams have been slayed. Dreams for a child, for a husband, for a job, for security, for health. YET WILL I TRUST HIM. What else can we trust in? What else is a sure as the love and the grace of God?

Well, those are my musings. My sermon for the day. I praise God because He is faithful. He is trustworthy. His ways are not my ways. And that's a good thing. No, a great thing.